


i needed you

by Rose_Thorns



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Fluffy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:02:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Thorns/pseuds/Rose_Thorns
Summary: based off of 'i needed you' by blackbear - jesse and walt had a fight but it gets better in the end. lots of angst for jesse.





	i needed you

i opened my eyes, briefly wondering what the time was. i tossed the question aside, though, as quickly as it came. what did it matter? it was just another fucking day.  
i pushed myself up into a sitting position, looking around at my crappy home. bottles strewn on the floor, food everywhere. i moved closer to the table in front of me, watching as a bug crawled amongst the filth. i didn't really care about cleaning. i mean, badger and skinny pete didn't give a shit. the only person i know who would is mr. white.  
damn. i squeezed my eyes shut as memories bombarded me. i guess i had forgotten them in my sleepy haze, but now they were way too fresh.  
"fuck," i muttered. last night, mr. white came over to talk about business or some shit. we ended up fighting, only god know about what. it was bad.  
i lifted my hands up to my face, flinching when they had contact with the probably bruised skin. that's right. he had hit me, pissed when i told him that we were partners. that son of a bitch said that i wasn't worth shit! he came over to my house just to brag that he didn't need me. so i punched the bastard. obviously, that didn't end well.  
judging from the stray bottles and my lack of memory, i had drank last night after he left. drowned myself in alcohol till i passed out.  
how could he say that i was nothing? i was his partner. yeah, maybe i can't cook like him, but whatever! i was still important. i was still important ...  
i shook my head, trying to siphon through all of my feelings. i felt pissed. betrayed. hurt. sad. alone. i breathed in, unable to stop tears from falling. what was i thinking? mr. white wouldn't be partners with me forever. im just a useless fucking junkie. i might as well just go shoot myself now. gonna get killed sooner or later, either by the cops or someone else. no one ever needed me. no one ever fucking needed me!  
i slammed my hands on the table, letting out a sob. why didn't anyone need me? i helped mr. white. i was there when his marriage fell apart. i was there when he needed me!  
"what the fuck!" i screamed, pulling on my hair in frustration. i immediately broke out into sobs, which lasted who knows how long.  
"i fucking needed you the most," i muttered, all hope lost. "i need you." a noise sounded, but i ignored it. it's probably badger or skinny pete. i really didn't want to fucking talk to them right now. they can go hang out somewhere else. the knocking didn't stop, though. i grunted, pissed that this person wouldn't just leave.  
"what the fuck do you want?" i shouted. i heard a muffled reply from the other side of the door. i stood, stalking over to the door and opening it. i opened my mouth to shout obscenities at them, but stopped when i saw who the visitor was.  
"mr. white?"  
"jesse, i-" i felt all the anger and the sadness well up in my throat at the sound of his voice. i wanted to scream at him, but my vocal chords wouldn't let me.  
"mr. white?" i whispered again in disbelief.  
"please, jesse, let-"  
"no," i uttered weakly. "no. i don't have to listen to you. im just a useless junkie, right?" i said bitterly. the older man sighed, closing his eyes.  
"jesse, im sorry. i am- can i just please come in? i-i, god," he sighed, apparently at a loss for words. my anger slowly disappeared as i let my eyes wander across his face. there were dark bruises by his eyes, and on his cheek. i had done that.  
i ignored the thought, looking at him warily before stepping aside to let him in.  
"thank you." he said, looking me in the eyes. i averted my gaze, not yet ready to face him. "jesse," he said, in a softer tone. "your face, it should be cleaned."  
"so now my face isn't good enough for the great fucking Heisenberg," i said dryly, not sure what it was i was trying to achieve.  
"no, it-" the man said harshly before stopping himself. "it doesn't look like you've cleaned the wounds at all. you could get an infection." i narrowed my eyes at him, unsure if his concern was genuine. "please, jesse."  
"whatever." i scoffed, done with just about everything. "you want to wash my fucking face, be my guest. you're the one who broke it in the first place."  
mr. white's eyes widened for a second before being replaced with a look of guilt. that hurt him more than i thought it would. i thought about taking it back, but it was too late.  
"okay, uh," the older man fumbled. "i'll be right back. im gonna get a washcloth and some bandages."  
"there aren't any," i muttered. "bandages."  
"okay. i suppose we'll just have to make do with washing your face for now." i watched as he left the room, flopping down on the couch once again. it wasn't long before mr. white came back, a wet washcloth in hand. he sat down next to me, using a hand to turn my face towards him. i didn't resist, instead focused on preventing the tears that threatened to spill.  
"okay, this might hurt a little, jesse," the man said quietly. he put the washcloth on my face, but i immediately pulled back.  
"what?"  
"that ... it hurts," i murmured, taking a deep breath before leaning in towards mr. white again.  
"im sorry. i don't want to hurt you, jesse." i pulled away to look straight into his eyes. he didn't want to hurt me?  
"well, congratulations, you already did." i blinked, letting the tears finally fall. i could feel them roll across my cheek, cutting through what grime had collected. i wasn't sure how to act, and at this point, i was too far gone. i choked back a sob; the least i could do was to not show how hurt mr. white made me feel. he didn't want a blubbering mess. it'd just prove that i was a shitty human being.  
i let my eyes slip shut, lowering my head. i didn't care anymore. i didn't fucking care anymore.  
"i don't care." i opened my eyes, not meaning to have said that out loud. i looked up at the older man. my former teacher. my partner. ex-partner, i suppose. i cared for him so much it fucking broke my heart when he said he didn't need me. i didn't realize he was so important to me until last night. i raised my head to meet his gaze, swallowing the lump in my throat as i searched his eyes. they were filled with so much ... sadness. sadness and pain. did he really care for me? probably not like i did for him. he didn't need me. but i fucking needed him.  
"i ... mr. white," i broke into a sob, not knowing what the fuck i should say. i thought he would leave soon. just walk away, leaving his partner to pick up the broken pieces. instead, he brought his hand up to my face, wiping away a tear. i let out a small whimper at the touch, surprised but not wanting him to pull away.  
"jesse, it's okay, you're gonna be okay, jesse, shh," i stared into his eyes, wanting so badly to take his words to heart. it was going to be okay. maybe. i moved forward, wanting more reassurance. mr. white wrapped his arms around me as i laid my head on his chest. in his arms, i felt so small but protected. cared for.  
i listened as he murmured my name softly, his chest moving slightly as he breathed. the tears eventually stopped and i focused on the rise and fall of mr. white's chest, trying to mimic it. even after my breathing returned to normal, i didn't want to leave the comfort the man was graciously providing me.  
i nuzzled into his neck as he ran his hand through my hair softly, enjoying his touch. i loved everything about this moment. the low sound of mr. white chuckling, the way his goatee tickled me slightly. i realized that we had been in this position for quite a while, but the older man didn't seem to be complaining. my heart was practically racing, and i had this warm feeling in my chest. why did he make me feel this way? him, out of all people?  
i suddenly felt self-conscious, sure that i didn't deserve this. as much as my heart hated it, i raised my head, looking mr. white in the eyes.  
"why? like, why do you fucking care so much? yesterday, i, like, hit you and we were both so pissed at each other and now we're just ..." i motioned with my hands and mr. white seemed to get it.  
"honestly, jesse? i don't really fucking know," the man said, letting out a sigh. "i have a short temper and i do get mad at you a lot but i ... i still care about you. i can't imagine not hanging out with you."  
"fuck," i muttered, tears pricking at my eyes yet again. "damn, i don't deserve you. i really don't, but i just feel like i need you. like i couldn't just ... like, i have this warm feeling in my chest and i don't fucking know why but i like it and i just, i think i like you. no, i think i need you. like, im doubting how long i would survive without you. you make my life so much ... better." i looked up from my hands, feeling scared as shit that i just said said all that but wanting to know mr. white's reaction.  
he had a small smile plastered on his lips, which made my cheeks heat up. the man didn't say anything. instead, he pulled me closer, so that my body was flush against his. his hands went to my hair, stroking it lightly.  
then he placed his hand on my heart. i glanced down, wondering what he was doing.  
"you're heart is beating so fast," he commented.  
"so is yours," i countered, pressing against mr. white's chest so i could hear his pounding heart more. he let out a small chuckle, pulling away from me. i looked at him, shocked. did he not want this?  
he took my head in his hands, bringing it closer to his. without being able to react, he pressed his lips against mine. it wasn't hurried, though. it was soft and ... lovely. i kissed him back and too soon he pulled away.  
"jesse, i need you," he whispered, putting his forehead on mine. when he said that, it was as if my heart stopped. i pulled away, needing to look into his eyes. my mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to say. finally, i uttered something.  
"really?"  
"yes, son," he said, rubbing his fingers on the back of my neck. "i need you and i want you. i don't want to see you upset or alone. i never want you to feel bad ever again."  
i closed my eyes, wanting so desperately to stop time. who knows how long we stayed like that. me in his arms, listening to his heart beat. but god knows i never wanted it to stop.

**Author's Note:**

> thank y'all for reading this! im actually really proud of it. I'd love any comments and criticism! tell me what you think ^^


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